Ridiculously early, AM. I have had trouble with insomnia since I was in my early thirties. At the time, it made sense. I had just left a marriage and struck out on my own, determined to have the life and career that I had wanted for myself. For the first time in my life I was living alone (albeit downstairs from friends,) needed to support myself on about $1000 a month and for the first month or so that I was out on my own, very difficult things were happening about once a week. My car would break down or my job would fall through or my mentor/grandmother-figure/inspiration/ballet teacher-since-I-was-three died. And yet, and YET, I was so sure that I needed to make this change in my life, I felt happy with the change.
The insomnia that came along with the change was not as welcome. During that time, I spent the middle of the nights sewing a quilt by hand. I had left with very few domestic items so a quilt was a practical need as well as a busy-work craft project. And it felt nurturing to literally be making something to hold and warm and comfort myself. But the insomnia has continued off and on for the ensuing 150 years and now, insomnia is NOT my friend.
Currently I am dealing with a painful shoulder. It’s been an occasional pain for years. Ironically, I originally hurt it during the time right before I left that marriage, but now it has settled into a constant discomfort and occasional deep pain. I think it is probably just an exacerbation of the old injury compounded by aging joints. And sprinkled with a large helping of not-enough-real-exercise-and-stretching. And it makes me feel old and worn out and grumpy. ESPECIALLY when it keeps me awake at night. Sometimes I can get to sleep with a heating pad on it and get a few uninterrupted hours, but the last few days it has been a nightly disturbance. And it is so wearing. And I am not a cheerful person, either in the night or the next day when I am working zombie-like to get through.
The process that I go through to get comfy is pretty silly. And Willi and I already use so many pillows it’s ridiculous. But in order to go to sleep in some sort of comfort, I lay on my side with my firm pillow under my head, but little thin squishy down pillow over my head (to block light and sound) a firm pillow between my knees and a WALL of pillows propping up my arm to keep my shoulder from screaming. And then I wrap a heating pad over my shoulder. Sometimes I have to do it even when it’s too hot. Ice occasionally, but heat seems to feel better.
I feel sort of silly spending this writing time with all this whining about my shoulder, but maybe someone else out there is feeling the same frustration and could use the solidarity. So. It’s early. I finally gave up on sleep, came downstairs, lit some candles and got to work on the bread for today’s orders. And let myself whine a bit here.
Today is North Bay delivery day, so I will get a chance to check in with my mom and the West Marin crew. We have a big week coming up so hopefully the shoulder will calm the F down today and let me get some more sleep tonight. For now, I am going to sit myself down on that couch and meditate…even if I snooze a little.
Menu below for our usual stuff. Wednesday is SF and East Bay delivery day. Orders for Wednesday should be placed by Monday night/Tuesday morning.
Meals on Heels this week (the famous NY Times notable Meals on Heels!) will be our BBQ Menu. Ribs, Chicken, Green Goddess, Oh my! And the insane Elvis Bread Pudding with peanut butter, chocolate, bananas, caramel and BACON! www.toasttab.com/oasis/v3
I hope that you are reading this after a nice, blissful, sweet-dream-filled sleep. If you are, I am envious. But happy for you. If you too are an insomnia person, I feel ya. Take some extra care of yourself. Wear comfy things and nap if you can. Sending out all sorts of love and hopes for a swift end to the fires and for help for those who have lost homes and livelihoods this week. Gonna go sit and do some gratitude work right now.
Hug yourselves for me