A couple of crazy exhausting days. Thursday was a prep day but we ended up dropping everything to go up to Pt Reyes to help wrangle my mom’s donkeys and pony into a borrowed trailer, hose down the roof and shingled walls of the house, grab a few keepsakes and get my mom off the hill and down to Jackie’s house to be out of harm’s way. Then home to try to get some of the baking done. Ended up just going to bed and leaving a sink full of dishes, even though I knew it was going to make Friday much harder.
Friday was a really busy day getting the Meals on Heels food out the door, but it was a great menu. One of the customers sent the comment that it was the “best salad she ever ate”, which was very gratifying to hear, given the crazy day. They really were lovely meals and very hearty.
We were supposed to leave for our week away early this morning, but after working all day, doing deliveries and then having all the cleaning to do, we just weren’t ready to leave. So we took some deep breaths (and ok, a lot of tears on my part) and just allowed the timing to shift as we needed. Ended up leaving SF around 5pm…but we are on the road.
It feels really weird and scary and awful to be leaving when all this stuff is going on with my mom and my home town, but both my mom and my brothers were insistent that we get this trip. I know that really there is nothing I can do to help/prevent/control the outcome of the fire, and if the house goes, at least I know my mom will be safe. But it still feels really hard to leave. I kept giving Calum (who is looking after the cats and my house while I am gone) tons of advice and reminders to be safe… he finally reminded me that he’d done this before and that he knew what to do in an emergency. And I know that I am just fried and feeling out of control and exhausted from worry.
This pandemic has been very wearing. I know I have talked about it before, and I think it is still worth reminding myself. The months and months of vigilant behavior, anxiety and the extra energy it takes to maneuver through the world right now is exhausting. Add to that the normal challenges of relationships and business stuff and family worries and then, oh year, now there is a fire threatening your mom and your childhood home and and and. It’s a lot. And I think so very many of us are dealing with this same kind of adrenal fatigue/burn out/melt-down. Maybe the individual stressors are different, but the overall exhaustion is similar. And then of course, there is the guilt over feeling this way, when so many are dealing with health crises, loss of family, loss of homes etc. I know I should feel grateful that my home/life/family/love is good, but the exhaustion is real. And it comes out as tears. Lots of them.
Hopefully, this week away will at least allow my system to find a little respite. I worry that Willi’s family will think that I am a very boring woman if I have to go nap every day, but he keeps assuring me that is not the case. I think our age difference also makes me want to be energetic and fun and “youthful”. That I want his family to think that I am a good partner for him and be glad that he is with me. And I know it’s ridiculous to worry about the way people think of me, and yet….
I so appreciate all the well-wishes, the folks who reached out to offer help with my mom’s evacuation needs and the reassurance that this week away is a good thing and won’t feel like we are abandoning our customers. We will be back for service on the 2nd… feel free to order ahead of time for any day after September 1st. We will also be back at Oasis for Meals on Heels on the 4th with our Caribbean Jerk Menu, including that delicious Watermelon-Heirloom Tomato Salad.
Sending all sorts of love from Highway 5 (Willi is driving). Take care of yourself. Remind yourself that even if things are fairly calm and pleasant in your own world, the ongoing energy of this pandemic is something that your body is still dealing with. And, if you or one of your loved ones is going though health challenges or grieving a loss or having anxiety or depression, give yourself some extra love and care. Hug yourselves for me. Xoxo