Finally at a point where I am not falling asleep multiple times a day and crying as many. Had a couple days in Winthrop, WA, where Willi’s parents house is, to rest and regroup. Took a swim in Paterson Lake and drove around to see some of the places that Willi wanted to share, including the resort lodge where he used to work. My favorite moment was when we drove down to the horse corral and I spent 30 minutes or so talking with the heavy draft horses that they use for chuck wagon and hay rides. Somehow the sweet alfalfa breath, massive muscles and dusty, whiskery muzzles were incredibly comforting to me. It was so sweet and satisfying to see these gorgeous huge horses come over to the fence to get a scratch and a little love through the bars of the gate.
We shared dinner with Willi’s Aunt Nancie (who lives on the property) and had a little time to visit distanced on the porch. The first night I went to bed at about 8:30 (after sleeping most of the drive) and the second night was only about 9ish. Just couldn’t stay awake any longer. But the bed was comfy and I felt pretty grateful to Willi for creating the space for me to fall apart and find my way back to some sort of calm and recharge.
Tuesday we headed over to Anacortes to take the ferry to Friday Harbor, San Juan Island. Before we left, I went back up for a little more horsey love with the big gorgeous horses. It was hot out, but one of them came out of the shade shelter and walked all the way over for a scratch and some comfort-giving presence. I grew up with horses… a total horse girl (https://www.cindygoldfield.com/blog/redefining-femininity)... but for many years I have not had the urge to ride. Somehow it doesn’t feel good anymore to make a horse do anything. And I know that many horses enjoy working and anthropologically they have evolved to be in symbiotic relationship with humans… willing to work for us in exchange for food….but somehow, for me at least, it doesn’t feel super good. But after hanging out with these gentle giants for a couple hours, it makes me wish for a horse again someday. Even if its just a companionship relationship. Who knows, maybe someday.
When we left Winthrop headed to the San Juans, we drove separate cars (because Willi bought a new-to-him car from his dad). The scenery through the Cascade Mountains was spectacular. Willi was in front of me and I could see him gesturing out the window at various sights… I could tell it was driving him crazy not to be able to narrate our journey. At one point we stopped to look at a glacial lake that was an amazing turquoise blue.
Got to Anacortes and had to rush to catch the ferry. Smooth journey over to Friday Harbor where Patti and Rick met us with a hearty welcome and freshly caught Dungeness crab for dinner. Crazy good.
Today was spent poking around the shops in Friday Harbor, walking their funny little long-haired mini dachshund, Flash, chatting, looking at the boats and fantasizing about sailing the world. We motored out to Garrison Bay around the other side of San Juan Island this afternoon.
While we moved around to the other side of the island, I sat up on the bow, crosslegged on the deck, just letting the breeze blow through me. Willi’s dad, Rick, came up and told me some of the interesting things about the islands in view and talked about sailing. Willi came up for a while and then eventually it was just me sitting up there… I closed my eyes and let myself just drift a little bit. A bit of meditation, a little bit of cloud-watching, a little bit of just drifting through my thoughts. Felt good to not be so tired and sad for a moment.
Dinner was more crab and salad and warm French bread. Absolutely delicious. And good conversation and feeling included and welcome and easy. A very nice evening.
My mom is still up in Petaluma, safe away from the fire. Her animals are also out of harm’s way. I know there wouldn’t be anything that I could actually do to help, and I am trying to enjoy myself and not feel guilty for being in such a lovely place when so many are dealing with evacuation and smoke-filled air and everything else. My heart is with my friends who are working through loss and health issues and sadness and worry. But I am trying very hard to be here now. Be. Here. Now. And let my heart rest a little bit.
Headed to bed now, tucked up into the bed in the stern of the boat… under the cockpit. Cozy, quiet, rocked by the sea. A good place to rest for the night. I hope you all can find a safe, gentle place to rest tonight as well. Hug yourself for me xoxo