I have heard from several friends that this last week was a doozy. Do you think it's because our poor brains and hearts are finally getting deeply tired of this slow burn, fight or flight state? Are we testing the depths of our resiliency with the cancellation of more shows, more work, more events? Are our relationships being tested in unfathomable ways? Are we feeling the effects of a profound lack of physical touch and connection? Or is it just the dark of the moon?
I know for myself, things were all over the map this week, but today was a very challenging morning. Nerves are shot, emotions are high, skin is very very thin. I feel weepy and scared and fragile all over again, even as I recognize the good things all around me. The excellent moments that happened all week. Somehow, even recognizing and remembering all the good things doesn't alway keep the intense fear and fragility away. So, if anyone else out there has had a rough week, an argument with no resolution, a terrible morning, or a bout of weeping even though there is no obvious catalyst (except for the capital 'O' obvious Covid thing) don't feel like you are alone. For me, it actually helped to realize that today was the dark of the moon (new moon starts tomorrow). Under that lens, it makes sense that my emotions are particularly fragile, that my instinct is to be more internal, more introspective, to hide in my cave. In a couple days, as the moon begins to wax into a crescent, I expect that I will feel a bit more resilient, if not a tiny bit hopeful. And maybe that hope is not about my work-in-the-world (just got a note that the show I was working on when we all got shut down, is no longer in "we will just postpone until October" mode, but has moved into "we don't know when, so we aren't going to pretend that we can plan a postponement" status) but maybe the sliver of hope is just that I might be able to see a more positive side to my days. Maybe I can just be hopeful that we can keep feeding people good food. That we can continue to keep coming back to try again. To keep turning towards the light like the little zucchini start Leslie gave me yesterday. To hold onto the hope that I will get to share a stage with Ken Ruta and the rest of the gang this winter....as unlikely as that seems right now. To believe that kids like Emma and the graduating OSA kids have a theatre world to grow into and not just history to look back at. I think my new moon intention is simply going to be to seek the light.
And for today, we are going to deliver Friday's orders early and head to the mountains to hunt for porcini. Take a day away from the kitchen and pretend the world is normal enough for an overnight campout and a day in the woods.
Menu for Monday is below. With a reminder that specialty cakes and pies are always available as well. Emma's family ordered the cake featured in photos on our website for their family for Monday, and I am always happy to add a cake or pie or two into my baking week!
Take care, be kind to your body and your heart. Hug yourself for me. xoxo