This day has been such a roller-coaster of emotions... I feel like that is just the way the world, my world anyway, is right now. I feel so much despair when I look at the continuing crap that is being throw at protestors around the country. Got to the point where the funky broken-down farmhouse for sale in France on my @cheapoldhouses Instagram feed is looking really really good. Just to up and leave this sad country and it's totally messed up leadership.
And then I think, "yeah, but the whole world has got crap going on. And who's to say it would be better, let alone the problem of figuring out how to survive somewhere else," and the thought of leaving my family and friends sounds awful too. And then I think, "well, hell. When will I get to see my friends and family for reals anyway?" And then I remind myself that I DO get to see folks on my delivery route, and I DO get to spend time in virtual company with my besties, and I DO get to talk to my mom in person, albeit distanced on Monday, and I DID get to have a nice visit with my dad over zoom yesterday.
But it is impossible to deny that this continuing shelter-at-home situation compounded by the heavy, intense, graphic news is taking a toll on my emotions and resilience. My emotions are raw and fragile. And sort of feel like they are just in a new state of 'normal' which worries me. How can we continue to work towards a better world, continue to find ways to be creative, continue to work to feed ourselves and keep a roof over our heads if this new state of exhaustion, weepiness, lack of concentration, and adrenal/cortisol overload goes on for months more? AND I know we have to. And so we will. But I know that my body and heart and mind are exhausted and sad and tired.
We tried to get the mushrooms Willi brought home processed today. Got a bunch of them prepped and he had already done a bunch while he was up there and gotten them into drying racks, but we still have a bunch to deal with. All Porcini this time. We are thinking about both going up next weekend, which would mean skipping the Friday deliveries. If folks were thinking about ordering on Friday this week, maybe see if Wednesday would work for you instead.
It would be good to be in the woods for a couple days. And I realize that that is a very privileged thing to be able to say. So many don't have that option, or have the option to feel safe in that sort of situation. But the woods would be good. I need to sit against a tree and cry for about 3 days straight. I wish I could go swim at Shell Beach. That's what I really need. I will post a picture of Shell for you to see, and a picture of the trees that I napped under the last time I went up to the mountains. Just in case a dose of water and trees is good for you too.
Menu below for Wednesday (SF and East Bay delivery) Orders for Wednesday should be placed by Monday night/Tuesday morning.
Take care. Be safe. Be loud. Reach out to friends if you are feeling despair. Find the resources you need to learn/unlearn. Sending out so much love and strength to my community. xoxo